dog lover.

Why did you try to poison my daughters dog? If the dog annoyed you then maybe you should have spoke to me about it first before throwing rat poison over my fence. Did it ever occur to you that one of my kids might eat the candy bar and die?

If you are one of the local kids who has been breaking into farang houses and stealing stuff and you thought my dog might bite you, then you were right - she'd have ripped a hole in your face and dragged your bony corpse deep into the jungle never to be found.

However I doubt you can even read, let alone use a computer so this whole post is pretty pointless.

It's not very nice!

It's not very nice to keep turning off the electricity for several hours a day without telling us you know. Some of us have washing machines to run, nappies to wash and discovery channel to watch.

We don't like it and it makes us think that the electricity people are really stupid and don't care about their customers and other feelings that I can't be bothered to write about right now.

Chicken Man RANT RANT

Farmers keep chickens. People who used to be farmers but now drive a flash 4x4 and no longer have to farm their land and who STILL insist on keeping keep chickens are missing the point entirely.


To the persistent chicken farmers:

1. YOU NO LONGER NEED TO KEEP CHICKENS!!! YOU SOLD 0.3% OF YOU LAND AND MADE 65,434,223 US$ PROFIT. YOU ARE NOW RICH, EVEN RICHER THAN A FARANG!!!
2. KILL YOUR CHICKENS AND REPLACE YOUR PLASTIC FURNITURE WITH NEW, FANGLED, 'WOODEN' FURNITURE (like they have on Channel 1)
3. FINALLY, STOP WATCHING CHANNEL 1 AND GET DISCOVERY CHANNEL. THAT WAY YOU MAY ACTUALLY 'DISCOVER' SOMETHING TO DO WITH LIFE OUTSIDE OF WOK TUM.

Right = wrong, wrong = moody face pull plus big mafia threat

SUBMITTED BY KNOWPHANGAN ON BEHALF OF DIRTYFATPIG

Ok, I got some stuff nicked out of Laem Som bungalows last year and we basically caught the caretaker red handed. Obviously she bare faced denied ever entering our bungalow and nicking anything DESPITE the face that we caught her INSIDE the bungalow approx 15 mins before we realised the stuff (video camera incidentally) was missing (she walked out backwards, hands behind her back bowing, grinning and blatantly hiding out stuff behind her back). We spoke to her boss about it and she knew we were right and fair in our accusations but basically shrugged her shoulders and said it was our fault for NOT locking the door AND (get this) actually being in Thailand!!!!

What did we get out of it? A crock of pitiful lies and excuses (I am poor person, no money, you farang and so it your fault etc). Usual shite.

So, the fat slag who care takes Laem Som bungalows (next to the lake) is a thief and will steal from you at the drop of a hat.


So, don't forget kids, if you get robbed, it's your fault for comming to Thailand.

Mexicano WTF?

A suspect Mexican descendant in a donut shop in Thong Sala, shoplifting no doubt (that German place opposite 7'11)

Please clarify: Is it just me or do the indigenous males of Koh Phangan look like Mexicans without body hair??


All other mainland Thai males on Koh Phangan can be observed to fall into three sub-species:

1. The Rasta variety - Ethiopian Boom Babas, favorate habitat, crap 80's reggae bars.
   
2. The Native American Indian variety - Crazy Eagle Big face, favorate habitat, 7'11.
   
3. The Public servant variety - Fat Chinese choppy choppy suey suey!, favorate habitat, channel 1.
   

Please note, all three varieties are dangerous if approached from behind, especially type 3 (unless his hand is already extended, palm up, gold rings quivering)

No meaning to leave out any genders, usually the women all look hot on KPG wherever they come from (apart from the gobby, pissed English girls with arses you could park a caravan on and size eleven feet)

...whispers to gobby English girl currently getting fucked on the beach under a geko sarong by an oily Israelie - 'please, PLEASE, go away, you're scaring my children and my wife thinks you would make good eating'

Happy Horse

To the girls on BaanTai Christmas Strip.
Keep up the good work and I might offer those who qualify a job in my new bar, the 'Happy Horse'.

It's an unfair cop gov...

This one goes out to the one of the laziest, scariest and most corruptible police stations in Thailand.

Koh Phangan Police Station is an experience in itself. By simply walking through the doors of the place as an innocent and legal member of planet Earth, you feel like you're walking into a trap, scam or otherwise not very nice place.
The offices on duty don't even bother looking up from their newspaper unless you're someone of standing (criminal) or you owe them (or are about to) owe them a lot of money.

I lost a wallet recently and tried to report it. The shiny, plastic looking cop on duty looked at me like I'd just shot his dog when I asked if anybody had handed it in and absolutely refused to write anything down or even acknowledge my problem.

Funny how they can't be arsed to investigate the murder of an ex Island Poo-Yan-Baan (elected 'Mayor') because they claim to be under resourced, yet they always seem to find the time at least twice a month (or when the 'tea' money' runs short perhaps...) to have the entire squad setting up roadblocks and fining terrified Foreigners for not wearing motorbike helmets.

Suggestions: Pay them a proper wage so they don't have to subsidise their salaries by stealing off the people/dealing drugs/providing protection services, and make the penalty for corruption a jail sentence and NOT a transfere. Twats.