dog lover.

Why did you try to poison my daughters dog? If the dog annoyed you then maybe you should have spoke to me about it first before throwing rat poison over my fence. Did it ever occur to you that one of my kids might eat the candy bar and die?

If you are one of the local kids who has been breaking into farang houses and stealing stuff and you thought my dog might bite you, then you were right - she'd have ripped a hole in your face and dragged your bony corpse deep into the jungle never to be found.

However I doubt you can even read, let alone use a computer so this whole post is pretty pointless.

It's not very nice!

It's not very nice to keep turning off the electricity for several hours a day without telling us you know. Some of us have washing machines to run, nappies to wash and discovery channel to watch.

We don't like it and it makes us think that the electricity people are really stupid and don't care about their customers and other feelings that I can't be bothered to write about right now.

Chicken Man RANT RANT

Farmers keep chickens. People who used to be farmers but now drive a flash 4x4 and no longer have to farm their land and who STILL insist on keeping keep chickens are missing the point entirely.


To the persistent chicken farmers:

1. YOU NO LONGER NEED TO KEEP CHICKENS!!! YOU SOLD 0.3% OF YOU LAND AND MADE 65,434,223 US$ PROFIT. YOU ARE NOW RICH, EVEN RICHER THAN A FARANG!!!
2. KILL YOUR CHICKENS AND REPLACE YOUR PLASTIC FURNITURE WITH NEW, FANGLED, 'WOODEN' FURNITURE (like they have on Channel 1)
3. FINALLY, STOP WATCHING CHANNEL 1 AND GET DISCOVERY CHANNEL. THAT WAY YOU MAY ACTUALLY 'DISCOVER' SOMETHING TO DO WITH LIFE OUTSIDE OF WOK TUM.

Right = wrong, wrong = moody face pull plus big mafia threat

SUBMITTED BY KNOWPHANGAN ON BEHALF OF DIRTYFATPIG

Ok, I got some stuff nicked out of Laem Som bungalows last year and we basically caught the caretaker red handed. Obviously she bare faced denied ever entering our bungalow and nicking anything DESPITE the face that we caught her INSIDE the bungalow approx 15 mins before we realised the stuff (video camera incidentally) was missing (she walked out backwards, hands behind her back bowing, grinning and blatantly hiding out stuff behind her back). We spoke to her boss about it and she knew we were right and fair in our accusations but basically shrugged her shoulders and said it was our fault for NOT locking the door AND (get this) actually being in Thailand!!!!

What did we get out of it? A crock of pitiful lies and excuses (I am poor person, no money, you farang and so it your fault etc). Usual shite.

So, the fat slag who care takes Laem Som bungalows (next to the lake) is a thief and will steal from you at the drop of a hat.


So, don't forget kids, if you get robbed, it's your fault for comming to Thailand.

Mexicano WTF?

A suspect Mexican descendant in a donut shop in Thong Sala, shoplifting no doubt (that German place opposite 7'11)

Please clarify: Is it just me or do the indigenous males of Koh Phangan look like Mexicans without body hair??


All other mainland Thai males on Koh Phangan can be observed to fall into three sub-species:

1. The Rasta variety - Ethiopian Boom Babas, favorate habitat, crap 80's reggae bars.
   
2. The Native American Indian variety - Crazy Eagle Big face, favorate habitat, 7'11.
   
3. The Public servant variety - Fat Chinese choppy choppy suey suey!, favorate habitat, channel 1.
   

Please note, all three varieties are dangerous if approached from behind, especially type 3 (unless his hand is already extended, palm up, gold rings quivering)

No meaning to leave out any genders, usually the women all look hot on KPG wherever they come from (apart from the gobby, pissed English girls with arses you could park a caravan on and size eleven feet)

...whispers to gobby English girl currently getting fucked on the beach under a geko sarong by an oily Israelie - 'please, PLEASE, go away, you're scaring my children and my wife thinks you would make good eating'

Happy Horse

To the girls on BaanTai Christmas Strip.
Keep up the good work and I might offer those who qualify a job in my new bar, the 'Happy Horse'.

It's an unfair cop gov...

This one goes out to the one of the laziest, scariest and most corruptible police stations in Thailand.

Koh Phangan Police Station is an experience in itself. By simply walking through the doors of the place as an innocent and legal member of planet Earth, you feel like you're walking into a trap, scam or otherwise not very nice place.
The offices on duty don't even bother looking up from their newspaper unless you're someone of standing (criminal) or you owe them (or are about to) owe them a lot of money.

I lost a wallet recently and tried to report it. The shiny, plastic looking cop on duty looked at me like I'd just shot his dog when I asked if anybody had handed it in and absolutely refused to write anything down or even acknowledge my problem.

Funny how they can't be arsed to investigate the murder of an ex Island Poo-Yan-Baan (elected 'Mayor') because they claim to be under resourced, yet they always seem to find the time at least twice a month (or when the 'tea' money' runs short perhaps...) to have the entire squad setting up roadblocks and fining terrified Foreigners for not wearing motorbike helmets.

Suggestions: Pay them a proper wage so they don't have to subsidise their salaries by stealing off the people/dealing drugs/providing protection services, and make the penalty for corruption a jail sentence and NOT a transfere. Twats.

brats on motorbikes

Best way to deal with a pack of local kids acting up and screaming racist abuse at you whilst driving past you at 120KM per hour on a farty motorbike?

Follow them until they stop at a set of lights or outside a noodle shop, smack the leader on the back of the head with an open palm as hard as you can and then watch the big fella transmogrify into a sobbing baby in less than three seconds.

Oh, and don't worry about repercussions from big bro or moustache daddy, they'll probably thank you for it.

Taxi to Haad Rin

These cost 50 THB per trip, not 100 THB, regardless of the time of the month.
Always ask how much before you get in the taxi, especially if it is one of those pirates who park up outside the corner of Soi Farang or outside Yellow Cafe.
If the price is not right, counter price and if this fails just walk away, don't bother arguing for more than 10 seconds. Often they will try to get your suitcase/rucksack on the roof of the sawng tao before telling you the price. Make sure they can't get their hands on your stuff until you've agreed.

Rude lady at Pier

To the fat sweating pig who sells tickets for the Lompraya ferry at the end of the pier, go fuck yourself you ignorant mound of uneducated street trash. Next time you scream in my face for asking for the proper price of a ticket you're going over the edge of the pier with my boot up your fat arse.

Drop in Bar/Club - Haad Rin Noi.

A reputation of violence toward foreigners, police protection and a couple of murders within 6 months. If you argue with the barmen over your very short change then you'll probably get stabbed in the face. And as usual nobody will see anything.

Full Moon Party Rape Alert

There has been a spate of rapes during the full moon parties these past few months. Usually, the victim is pissed up on buckets and then literally jumped on by a group of young Thai males in the early hours of the morning as she sleeps on the beach or balcony of her bungalow. There have been stories of amorous young males climbing into the bungalows of sleeping girls whome a few hours earlier they thought were a 'sure thing' (until the bucket(s) kicked in). Another favorate of the rapists is to offer the girl a lift home on his motorbike, then once she's on his bike, drive her off into the jungle to rape her, or worse, takes her to a house full of pissed Thai males for a bit of group activity.

Foreign women attending the full moon party either alone or in small groups, be VERY wary of over friendly Thai males who want to hang out and make friends with the foreigner girls. If you don't know these men/boys before the party, then stay well clear of them, no matter how cool you think you are or how 'uber traveller' you think it makes you look.

The local police will do nothing about it and reportedly try to get the victim to sign a statement saying she was drunk and out of control. Often the rapists are from the mainland and come over to the party looking for pissed foreign girls who they have been led to believe through popular media, are 'easy lays'. Often the rapists are local boys under the protection of their
big Mafia taxi driver' fathers.

Still don't believe the stories? Then you're a bloody fool.

Be warned.

Hey hey we're the Isrealies!

if you're the Israeli who was thrown out of a bar I was sat in last week in Haad Yao, it serves you right. In most countries, we have to buy a drink for each person, not share one between seven. And yes, I think you're a c**t, and no I won't report the bar in question. They were great and you acted like a spoilt tw*t

Sri Thanu Island Family Shop

Double charging classics.

Location: On the corner of the main Sri Thanu road opposite the entrance to Moon Beach Bungalows AND opposite the 7'11 in Sri Thanu.

Even though these family run business are stones throw from 7'11 they still overcharge foreigners by as much as 200% for everyday items such as soap, drinks and water.
They are also incredibly rude to tourists.

If your local shop is obviously double charging you, ask for a Thai price (they still make money on this), If they refuse, go to 7'11.

DO NOT SUPPORT DOUBLE CHARGING ON KOH PHANGAN!!! IT IS A FALSE ECONOMY FOR THE LOCAL BUSINESSES AND UPON THE ARRIVAL OF TESCO AND MACRO FOOD STORES, IT WILL BANKRUPT THEM.

EDUCATE THEM INTO THE FUTURE!

Anoying Travel Agents

Opposite the Chequered Flag Sports Bar in Thong Sala, there is a travel agent. They run a taxi service network all over the Island similar to the visa run networks in Suratthani.

This is the scam:

1. A tourist books a Sawng Tao (taxi) from his resort to the pier, or books a visa run etc from the travel agent
   
2. The travel agents sawng tao turns up an hour or so early to collect the tourist
3. The tourist is taken to the travel agent to wait for the boat. He is now charged the taxi fair and told to wait at the travel agency for his transfer to the pier. There are loads of bars and retuarants around this area but he is told to wait in one place, from what we can tell, their isno choice, it is an aggressive request to STAY PUT!!
   
4. He is charged a fortune for crap food and drinks for an hour or so
   
5. He is then charged and additional 50 THB for a 1 minute ride to the pier! (you can walk it in less than 5 minutes).

In addition, they run a motorbike rental scam. If you so much as scratch the bike you get a 10,000 THB plus repair bill, regardless of the fact that a brand new part only costs a couple of hundred THB.

MFers.